A Soulmate, Friend or Foe

By Zaina Starr

When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags,

I can not afford to live life, when I have to continue to fool my own nervous system into tolerating everything that scares me,

I used to only be scared of snakes,

Here within the past year, I’ve noticed, I’m scared of a lot more,

Post traumatic stress is a real disease,

It’s extremely difficult to learn to control,

I’m just going to be honest, it’s kicking my ass,

It is draining me mentally, physically, and emotionally,

A daily battle, to pull myself together, to be in the presence of just someone,

I, myself, need no one; I like being independent,

It’s the only way I know how to be,

I have realized, I’m nervous; fear danger when I’m around everyone,

Yet, I find myself seeking everyone who shows they care enough to try and understand the things that I can not or do not anymore,

Things that I will never believe, yet these things are fact, and I have seen,

I’m tired of getting my ass kicked by PTSD,