Memories

By Zaina Starr

A memory I am thankful for is all that memories that I have. Not remembering anything is an experience I do not wish on anyone. I used to always say that having Alzheimer’s would be the best way to be when you die. But actually it would not be.
Having no memory caused me anxiety, sadness and depression. I couldn’t remember an incident that had happened to me. And nobody could even tell me where I was for 3 days of my life. I remembered a fight I had had with my boyfriend. That’s was about all. I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked terrible. I had two black eyes and strangulation marks around my neck. I knew that my boyfriend had hit me before during fights, but I never had experienced anything like this before. I had no memory along with anxiety, sadness and depression.
I had the urgency to hide or run away from someone. I wasn’t hiding from my boyfriend. Every time he called, I always ran to be with him. Eventually, yes I did hide from him because the violence continued and became more aggressive. I left and stayed gone, longer and longer each time I left.
I learned that I was scared of him, yet I thought that I couldn’t live without him. Not only was he the meanest person to me, but he was the only one who was nice to me. I did not get any attention from anyone, only him.
The process would start over each time I would go back. And it would end the same way with abuse and separation. One day I was going…